Friday, 28 January 2011

Sutton United Blog: NASA spots the ball, Andy Forbes, Richard Keys and TV-AM

Ok, ok. I hear you. Would you all please congregate in the stand behind the goal at the Gander Green Lane end of the ground and clear your throats for a rendition of... when we’re winning, you only blog when we’re winning...
Well, let me tell you this for nothing, thirteen days is a long time in blogging.
My last post followed our win at Canvey Island but since then I have gone quiet and that has coincided with two disappointing Sutton results and one resounding victory.
I am back after an unexpected mini-break and I’m ready for the three month run-in which will hopefully culminate in the Us clinching the Ryman Premier League title. It’s not going to be easy though, as our defeat at Bury Town suggests.
So, what have I missed? Well, let’s see.
* Richard Jolly has found the target at last – woohoo! –  though not for Sutton. Booo.
* Andy Forbes has joined permanently from Woking – yeeehaaah! - and he celebrated on Tuesday by launching the ball into orbit from the penalty spot. It has just been located by a NASA space probe a mere 200 million light years away from the ball David Beckham released during the 2004 European Championship quarter-final against Portugal. Noohaaah.
* And they’ll be ceilidh dancing in the streets of Buckie tonight – och aye! – at the news that East Stirlingshire have been thrown out of the Scottish Cup for fielding an ineligible player in their Third Round victory over the Highland Leaguers. Och nooo.
Apologies, for a poor Scottish accent.
Any rate, it seems like we’re doing what we can to make life hard for ourselves. After building a decent lead at the top of the table, we huffed against Concord (1-1), puffed against Bury (1-2), before blowing Croydon Athletic away on Tuesday (5-0).
Forbes atoned for his penalty miss to score just before half-time as the Ewes made light work of the Rams. He was joined on the scoresheet by Darren Ebsworth, Craig Dundas, Sam Page and an own goal.
Should you find yourself in the company of Andy Gray and Richard Keys over the weekend then keep this to yourself - you never know who might be filming you - but I reckon if Croydon had fielded their ladies’ team then the final score would have been somewhat closer.
Incidentally, talking of Richard Keys, I stumbled across this today. Ah, the memories. Gordon Honeycombe, Wincey Willis, Mad Lizzie and Anna Ford. And who can forget dear old Rustie Lee. I suspect Keys' latest antics stopped her raucous laughter dead in its tracks.
Marvel at Geoff Clark's sweater, chuckle at Charles Golding's glasses and fall in love once again with a young Ulrika Jonsson, who according to her brief biog was 'a big hit with male viewers'. She was, of course, a big hit with Stan Collymore in more ways than one.

Personally, I was always keen on Anna Ford.

She was confident, had good judgement, knew her stuff and gave her male colleagues a good run for their money. In many ways she was the 1983 version of Sian Massey.
TV-AM could do with updating this site though. It says Keys is 'now the face of Sky Sports'. Mind you, the site designers are probably stuck in the past and using a ZX Spectrum. It was a time when female football officials were the stuff of futuristic science fiction stories.
Croydon’s performance resembled a trembling Ram staring an eager predator in the eyes for the second time in three days. Lowestoft feasted on four goals at the weekend then our favourites fed five to us hungry fans to compound their already perilous position.
It’s been a tough old slog for the Rams this season and you have to feel sorry for them as they try to rebuild. They looked good for the first eight minutes then Sutton scored, their heads went down and the farmer closed the meat wagon door behind them and packed them off to the slaughterhouse.
Crikey, I am starting to sound like Ian Holloway. Time to call it a day.
This weekend Paul Doswell will be aiming to repeat the dose his troops handed Croydon and show those Essex chavs from Aveley that the only way is Sutton. 

Come on you amber and chocolates!


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